The car window was full of condensation.
It was so hard for both of us to catch our breath.
I turned to him and said… “We are NEVER parking at the top of this hill again! That walk nearly killed me!”
We didn’t even have the energy to laugh.
Welcome to my “Plus Size Relationship.”
As most of you may know, I am in a very happy relationship, (see Exhibit A), but this has not always been the case.
Relationships can be cruel. More so when you may not look like everyone else.
The worst experience I had was while I was at college. The boy I was seeing, John, (As tempting as it is to name and shame him, I am obviously renaming him “John” to protect his identity.) Well, “John” asked me out, we spent some time together and all seemed to be going well. On one occasion, John and I, along with a few others, all went to the cinemas. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and on my way back I over heard one of Johns friends ask him “what are you even doing with that fat girl anyway?!” I froze. Instead of coming to my defence as I hoped he would. He laughed and said, (direct quote) “I am taking one for the team! At least I can say I’ve been with a fat one.”
“What did you do Fran?” “What did you say?!” I hear you cry.
I didn’t do a thing.
I just took my seat, let him hold my hand, and kept my mouth shut.
Not saying anything in that moment is one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made. And for those of you that know me well, that is saying something! I was only 17 at the time, and that was so detrimental to my confidence.
I keep thinking had I said something, stood up for myself in that instant, I would’ve shown John and all his little friends that saying those things, and thinking that way is NOT OK. More recently however, I have thought that maybe he may have honestly found me attractive and liked me, but was too embarrassed to say so, and defend me to his friends. Needless to say, when I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore, I didn’t even give him the chance to explain as I never told him the reason why I was finishing it. I didn’t want to hear him trying to defend his awful behaviour.
After that incident, I found myself going into every potential relationship super paranoid, and with such low self esteem it was just not attractive. Don’t get me wrong, I am so much more confident now, and that is thanks to my friends and the man I have now. But I still do have my days when I really get in my feelings about it all.
I once went on a date with a guy that told the waiter I didn’t need a desert menu as I had had enough to eat.
I couldn’t believe it! But being more mature and confident, I politely told the waiter, I will take the biggest desert you have and a glass of water. Thank You.
He would also repeatedly ask me to join him at the gym…
Why are you with me, if all you want to do is change me constantly? Now, I admit skipping desert and having a few days in the gym wouldn’t kill me, but it is the way you say and suggest such things. Furthermore, you have you want to change. It is much harder to force someone, than if they come willingly.
That being said, I am now in the most amazing relationship I have ever had and I am so happy (See Exhibit B). Even thought we can’t sit next to each other comfortably on public transport, and our date nights aren’t about where we go, it’s which restaurant because all we do is eat out! Ha!
We are also hampered by the fact that he is a chef.
A real. Life. Chef.
This has only gone and sealed my fate to stay shackled to this plus life forever! Ha! #ChubbyBuddies
*cue soppy violin music*
The bottom line is this; after struggling for a number of years, I have found this wonderful man, and I didn’t have to change. Like I always say, don’t use that as an excuse to do nothing if you really want to change…But sometimes it isn’t you, it really is “them”.
Are you in a plus relationship? Is your partner slimmer or bigger than you?
Share your views and experiences with me!
Leave a comment and I will get back to you!